Ebenezer Bleezer

Last week I checked out some books from the library for the kids I tutor. One of my favorites was A Bad Case of the Giggles: Kids Pick the Funniest Poems, Book #2 by Bruce Lansky. I have never heard of this guy before, but I now think he is a gem. I started putting this on my last post but realized it would have made a monstrous post. Here are two of my favorites, maybe more to come.

One for my speech friends:

Oh, Woe Ith Me!
Ath I wath biking
down the thweet,
I hit a bump
and lotht my theat.

I cwathed my bike
into a twee
I thcwathed my fathe,
oh, woe ith me.

My bike ith wecked,
I've no excuthe.
And wortht of all,
my tooth ith looth.

Bruce Lansky (I guess Jack isn't the only poet in the book)

This one you just HAVE to read outloud:

Bleezer's Ice Cream
I am Ebenezer Bleezer,
I run BLEEZER'S ICE CREAM STORE,
there are flavors in my freezer
you have never seen before,
twenty-eight divine creations
too delicious to resist,
why not do yourself a favor,
try the flavors on my list:

COCOA MOCHA
MACARONI
TAPIOCA SMOKED BALONEY
CHECKERBERRY CHEDDAR CHEW
CHICKEN CHERRY HONEYDEW
TUTTI-FRUTTI STEWED TOMATO
TUNA TACO BAKED POTATO
LOBSTER LITCHI LIMA BEAN
MOZZARELLA MANGOSTEEN
ALMOND HAM MERINGUE SALAMI
YAM ANCHOVY PRUNE PASTRAMI
SASSAFRAS SOUVLAKI HASH
SUKIYAKI SUCCOTASH
BUTTER BRICKLE PEPPER PICKLE
POMEGRANATE PUMPERNICKEL
PEACH PIMENTO PIZZA PLUM
PEANUT PUMPKIN BUBBLEGUM
BROCCOLI BANANA BLUSTER
CHOCOLATE CHOP SUEY CLUSTER
AVOCADO BRUSSELS SPROUT
PERIWINKLE SAUERKRAUT
COTTON CANDY CARROT CUSTARD
CAULIFLOWER COLA MUSTARD
ONION DUMPLING DOUBLE DIP
TURNIP TRUFFLE TRIPLE FLIP
GARLIC GUMBO GRAVY GUAVA
LENTIL LEMON LIVER LAVA
ORANGE OLIVE BAGEL BEET
WATERMELON WAFFLE WHEAT

I am Ebenezer Bleezer,
I run BLEEZER’S ICE CREAM STORE,
Taste a flavor from my freezer,
You will surely ask for more.

Jack Prelutsky